I LOVE Cats!

     Yes!  I have to make a blog entry about cats!  Trust me, I've been holding off from posting one since I started, but I found the perfect excuse to get to anyway!  ;D

      Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a huge animal lover, and that I LOVE cats.  Some of you know that I take in stray kittens, nurse them to health, then find them homes!  And those of you who follow me on instagram or facebook already know that I found two adorable kittens yesterday.  So here's my quick little shout out to help find them homes!  They're both boys, and just now learning to eat.  They're very friendly.  They were a little scared at first, but they're at the age when their feral instincts haven't really kicked in yet so they kind of think I'm their mommy now and they follow me everywhere.  <3

                                         

 

They need a few more days to learn how to eat--and a few more days for me to try and convince my parents to let me keep Butters.  ;D  Before they can go to new homes!  But please let me know if you or anyone you know is interested!


But while we're on the topic of cats!  I'll go ahead and show you mine!   ^-^

Facebook and instragram Star:  Ollo!  

                                                    

 Fraidy-Face!  :D  He's our oldest baby, going on 7-8 years old now!

            Toby!  He just showed up one day out of nowhere with no claws and nowhere to go.  I don't know why anyone would want to abandoned him, he's a sweetie pie and he's beautiful!  But he decided he was going to make this his permanent home and we never did find his owners.

     I'll wrap this entry up with a few creepy cat photos for Halloween!   :)
                                      

 Make sure to keep your cat indoors on Halloween night, especially black or dark colored ones!  I've heard some terrible stories about what some heartless people have done to them, and whether it is true or not around here, you can never be too safe and that is a risk, I for one, am NOT willing to take!

Happy Halloween!

Sometimes you have to be your own best friend

                          So, I went location scouting with my mom today, which is one of my favorite things to do!  I love riding around and just trying to get lost, going further and further into the middle of nowhere!  It started off a rainy day, and I had to postpone a photo session, but I made the best of the day and I'm glad things went the way that they did.  I ended up finding a beautiful location and a few others along the way.  :)   It's always an adventure.  Here's a shot from the first house we found!
                                                    

                            This house could barely be seen from the road, and we had to trek through the woods to get to it!  It was completely fallen in, with only parts of the walls and foundation still standing.  Needless to say, to me, it was perfect.  BUT!  I wanted to find something else!  The good thing about these adventures is that we never know what we're going to find.  It's always a surprise, and so the outcome of the photos get to be a surprise as well.  My mom always tells me that I'm pretty good at pulling things together on the spot.  That's how I usually do most things haha!  That's how I was in school with tests and homework, with work, photo shoots, editing, hair, makeup, outfits, etc.

                             Although Halloween is my favorite holiday and I love dressing up, I almost always put it off until last minute because I can never decide what I'm going to be!  I'm a terribly indecisive person, I can never make up my mind on things.  So most of my costumes are thrown together the day of Halloween right before I'm about to go trick or treating or to a party haha!  And sometimes, I am the same way with my photographs.  I have some ideas in my head before I even see a location, but a lot of times (like I stated in my previous entry) I get inspired by the location to create a certain photograph.

                           SO with that being said, today we found a pretty wonderful location that inspired me to create one of my favorite photographs to date.  (see the photo at the end of the entry)  

  
                      I had a poem to go along with this photo that I wrote many many years ago back when Myspace wasn't abandoned haha!  But unfortunately it is nowhere to be found!   :(  If I ever do find it then I will post it!  It really shows how much this photo means to me.  It was called The Empty Swing.  It was about childhood, and how fast innocence fades, how much things change, and how alone I feel at times.  I beat myself up a lot for some decisions I have made, trying to grow up too fast, and being so scared of life.  I grew up with a lot of really bad anxiety and social issues because of the way other children, and even some adults, treated me.  As I got older, I was treated badly by guys in relationships as well.  Abused.  Mentally, and physically.  For a very long time I have felt alone.  I felt like I didn't have any friends.  I wondered what was wrong with me, why people didn't want to be my friend and why people made fun of me.  I wondered why guys hurt me and lied and didn't stay with me when they promised they loved me.

*EDIT I found the poem haha!  So here it is:

                         

                   But within the past two years I have rediscovered myself, who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.  More importantly who I don't want to be.  I have found happiness and strength, and even friendship in myself.  I learned that I don't always have to rely on someone else to make me happy, whether that is a friend, a love interest, or a boyfriend.  And I don't have to beat myself up and wonder what is wrong with me and what I am doing wrong.  I am glad I am not friends with the people who have abused me.  After all why would I want to have friends that were so cruel?  Why would I want to be like them?  When I can be like me.
                                                              

             I know this entry might be all over the place, but it describes how my day was, and how my mind has been for the past few years!   

Inspiration

            I thought I would write my next blog talking about one of my biggest inspirations.  I get a lot of questions asking me how I get my ideas for photos, and where my inspiration comes from, and this is the best answer I can think of for most of the photos that I have done.  (besides anything with animals, of course, haha!)  So, what is my biggest inspiration?


            Locations!  But not just any locations.  Just like my pictures, I like for my locations to tell a story.  I love old historic houses, abandoned factories, just about anything with the roof and floors caving in.  The older, the better.  The more abandoned, the better.  I have two major reasons why these are my favorite locations, and a few other minor reasons as well.  The first have to do with my parents, their memories, and mine.

            My parents always tell me stories about their childhood, and I love to hear about them!  My mom grew up with her mom and two sisters.  Their father left them at a young age, so they didn't have a lot of money, or a nice house, or lots of toys.  My family's obsession with abandoned places starts with my grandmother, my mom's mother.  For some odd reason that nobody knows, she has always loved to move a lot, and her favorite places to live were places that looked like places no one has lived in in a very long time!  My mom said that every time they would move to a new house, her and her two sisters would go on adventures in their backyard, their new neighborhood, or the woods nearby, to find old barns and chicken coops and sometimes abandoned houses to play in.  They would turn them into their playhouses and spend the days there making up stories and playing games, having wonderful adventures!

          My dad, on the other hand, has a big imagination as well, but he also loves logic and facts.  We grew up learning a LOT about science and history, listening to him ramble on about psychology, the ancient Egyptians, and outer space.  Some of it can be very very interesting, and my favorite science subject that my dad has taught me is Entropy.                                                                             

Entropy is a simple law in science that states that all things will eventually die, or decay, fall apart, rust, crumble, etc.  One of the most common ways to explain it is to say that entropy describes the natural tendency of the universe to fall apart into disorder.  It's intriguing to see how things can evolve so much with time.  Erosion, decomposition, death.  It's all so fascinating.  And in one picture you can see it all, if you look hard enough.


         If you didn't already know about entropy, I guarantee that your views of these photos, of abandoned places, and of the world will now change.  I love seeing nature take over it's rightful place on the earth as tree limbs break through windows, as blades of grass grow through the cracks of an old driveway, and vines wrap around an abandoned barn.  It's beautiful.  And in death and destruction, there is life.                                                                                               

Another thing that I find so fascinating about these places are the stories they have to tell.  What year were they build, and by whom?  Who all lived in these walls, who grew up learning how to walk on these floors?  Who wore the old shoes in the corner, and cooked on that stove?  There are so many questions, and so many left unanswered.  Everyone loves a great mystery; a story that you can create a dozen different ways in your own mind!  It's fun and interesting to imagine their lives there, and to wonder why they left, or what happened to them.  You never know what you're going to find, and sometimes you never will find everything you're looking for.  Maybe I'm too curious, and I don't know about you, but everything about it intrigues me.

             



You can probably already tell this from looking at a lot of my work, but I love creepy, hauntingly beautiful pieces of art.  There's something about fear that is exciting!

                                                

  This photo was taken in an abandoned house (that was built at least 100 years ago) that my sister and I turned into our 'playhouse' when we first moved into our neighborhood.  The house is still there, and we still visit from time to time.  There's old furniture, and books that date back to the 1920s and earlier!  Every day nature takes over more and more and it will eventually belong to the Earth.  But I will always have these photos to remember, to capture that beautiful moment between life and death, erosion and destruction.

                            

Life as an Artist

                I've been wanting to start a blog for a very long time, and I've thought of a million ways to start it, and a hundred different things to write about and discuss, but I could never decide what I wanted to say first.  I guess that is a good way to start it though; talking about how ADD and how forgetful and busy I can be!  If anyone ends up actually reading my blog entries you'll learn that about me soon enough!  I have so many diaries that I started throughout my childhood that I ended after a week or a month only to wait several months later to start a new one!  I remember the entries always starting or ending with something along the lines of "I keep forgetting to write in here, so much has happened in my life since I wrote last.  I really need to remember to write in here more."  I can't even begin how to describe the complicated infrastructure of my brain!  I love to stay busy, because I can't stand sitting around with absolutely nothing to do, so I end up overwhelming myself with TOO much to do instead!  I can't keep up with my own self sometimes haha!

                So, here is the start of something else that I will attempt to keep up with!

One of my favorite things has always been art.  Growing up, my dad was always a very artistic person.  I remember going through his art books when I was a child, looking at his drawings of fantasy characters, and comic book heroes in awe, hoping that someday I would be as good of an artist as he was!  I would sit down next to him with a pencil and paper and beg him to give me an art lesson.  I would ask him to teach me how to shade, and how to draw hands.  There is one specific picture that he drew that I will always remember.  It's a picture of a woman in a robe, standing on a beautifully drawn brick structure.  I remember sitting next to my dad in his office while he drew it, teaching me as he drew every line.   I will never forget that day, and it will always be one of my most treasured memories!

                                                                            

                My mom has always been a very creative person as well.  She would color my dad's drawings (because he refused to color things and liked to keep things in grayscale) and she would always doodle all over everything!  I think she brought a lot of excitement and silliness into my dad's life and into mine as well!  Both of my parents have always supported what I do, but my mom goes beyond support when it comes to my work.  Even to this day she is here for me, whether that means climbing on top of a step stool in the middle of spider infested woods to snap a shot for me, or helping me shop and create materials for a photo shoot for all hours of the night!  She helps me to enhance a lot of my ideas, and she is there for me whenever I stress myself out and have no one else to help me.

                                               

                A lot of people ask me how I first got into photography, or how long I have been doing photography.  And a lot of people don't know the full story, so here it is!  :)  All throughout my life my favorite class in school was art.  I was always a teacher's pet type of girl because I was shy and quiet and never broke the rules-until it came to art.  My art teachers were always my favorite, and they would go the extra mile to help me with my work.  They made me believe that I could do it.  They entered my work into contests.  I had my artwork in Stax several times, I had one of my drawings in a calendar for an upstate plumbing company, I won several school contests and prizes.  All of that helped encourage me to pursue my dreams.  I was accepted into the Fine Art's Center and I went for several years.  I loved it, and it was a wonderful experience.  I got to meet so many talented people, and I learned so much.  I got to experience other types of art and not just drawing.
                Now, when it comes to taking photos, I didn't know that I wanted to be a photographer yet.  But what I did know, is that I loved pictures.  I loved going through my mom's photo albums, looking at the pictures of her and her two sisters when they were younger.  I loved going through our own photo albums as well, seeing pictures of our family throughout the years.  There was a point in time that I noticed we didn't have many pictures of our pet cats.  Yes, CATS.  Cats were my very first inspiration for photography!  I was so heartbroken when one of our cats died, and I didn't have any photos to remember them by.  At the time we didn't have a camera and I was devastated.  I wanted a camera so bad, but I didn't get one.
                It wasn't until 7th grade that I really fell in love with photography.  I was chosen to be in an advanced art class with my favorite art teacher ever; Mrs. Miller.  I rode the late bus home, so I would go to her classroom after school and we would hang out and draw and talk about art together while I waited on the bus to get there.  One day a photography teacher from the Fine Art's Center came to the school to teach a short photography class to a select number of the students that were only in the advanced art class, and I was one of the ones chosen.  I had no idea how much I would fall in love with what I was about to do and learn.
                We started the class by taking photos with a pinhole camera.  I was amazed by the thought of

taking pictures with nothing but a cardboard box and a piece of film!  The teacher told us to go outside and take a picture of something, like our shoes, or another student, whatever we wanted!  It felt so great to have the freedom to choose what we wanted to do for this project instead of being assigned to something.  While all the other students around me set up their shoes like she had said, I walked around and looked at everything until I got an idea of what I wanted to photograph.
                Now, when I was a child the first animals I loved were insects.  I loved anything creepy and crawly!  (I was not a typical little girl in any sense!)  So I went around the school yard and gathered up as many cicada skins as I could find, along with some dead leaves, and I set them up on the concrete, put the camera down at the angle I wanted, lifted the tape off of the hole as fast as I could, then waited!  The photography teacher was immediately interested in what I was doing.  I remember her talking to me about why I chose to photograph this and not what she had given as an example like the other kids were doing.  After 10 minutes of the camera capturing my vision, she helped me develop my very first photography photo I have ever taken.  We all piled into the dark room and watched in amazement as our photos came to life in the chemicals.  It is definitely one of my most favorite experiences to this day.  After the class, some pieces from different schools were selected to be entered in a charity art auction and mine was selected and sold.  I

still have the original piece, and it will always be treasured.

                                                                             
              

  My Uncle Randy gave me my very first camera.  It was a Sony point and shoot, nothing very special, but to me it was nothing but special!  And the first thing I took pictures of were cats of course!  I would take my kitten Reese and create a little 'studio set' with a blanket backdrop and props like Christmas tree decorations.  He was such a good boy, cooperating with me posing him and putting props on and around him while I took 500 pictures!  I promised myself that from now on I would always photograph every animal I had so I would never forget them, and I would always have their memory with me in a photograph.  Unfortunately, even photos don't always last forever.  Our hard drive crashed and I lost a lot of my first photographs.  :(  From then on I learned to always back up everything, especially my photos.  Thankfully I saved a few from myspace haha!                                                                        

I used that point and shoot camera all the way until I got my first DSLR camera.  I saved

up money and paid for half of it and my parents paid the rest as a birthday gift!  I remember the day I got that camera, the things I took pictures of (which was everything I possibly could!) where we went before and after, everything!  I was so excited, I couldn't stop taking pictures of everyone and everything!  I started up a cat rescue, taking in stray kittens, getting them clean, healthy, and tame and finding them homes.  They were my camera stars for a long time, and sometimes they still are!  I started doing a little bit of self-portraits and pictures of my little sister and that's when I really got into taking photos of people as my subjects.          

                                                                             

                I entered a modeling contest on Gaia based on America's Next Top Model.  It was called Gaia's Next Top Model.  There were a few years where I was very upset and had very low self-esteem after being bullied by other girls all throughout public school.  I was afraid to smile because I had girls tell me my smile and my teeth were ugly.  I was afraid for people to see my face because I had really bad acne and girls who were supposed to be my friends would call me out in front of everyone and make fun of me for it.  I refused to take pictures of myself or let anyone else take pictures of me for a very long time.  Finally, I got to the point that I wasn't going to let these girls control me anymore.  I thought this competition would help with my low self-esteem as well as my photography!  So that's where it really started.

                                                                             

This competition is where the Mother-Daughter Duo started!  She would help me pick out outfits, hair and makeup, and locations each week for the new challenges that were given to us.  I would set up the camera for her and she would take the pictures for me.  I continued to get better and better, and the competition really helped me learn what locations to look for, what angles to get, and more.  It was a really big challenge for me and I continued to learn and teach myself and grow.  I loved trying out new things.  Each challenge was another chance for me to grow as a photographer.  Since I was also modeling, it taught me what took look for in a model, how to pose them, what facial expressions they should do, what angles to get, etc.  I had always loved doing makeup, and that competition also allowed me to challenge myself with makeup.  It gave me a reason to do all of these things.  I ended up winning that contest and entering the next which was Gaia's Next Top Model All Stars.  (They had several in the past before me) And I ended up winning the All Stars as well!

                                                                           
               

After that I got really into photographing models, portraits, etc.  My favorite photography with a human subject was conceptual or themed photo sessions that could tell a story when you looked at them.  I liked the thought of photos that could mean something different to each person that seen them.  Instead of just a pretty girl standing there with her hands on her hips.  I liked creative makeup, twisted poses, creepy places, dramatic hair and wardrobe, etc.  But the competition also helped me see the fashion side of photography and modeling.  My second favorite photography with a human subject would definitely be fashion/high fashion couture.  Something that allows me to just go crazy with makeup, hair, wardrobe, and accessories!  It's like playing dress up for grownups!   This is one of my first and favorite photo sessions with a model and a concept.

                                                                                 
           
               So now here I am!

                I have really grown as a photographer and an artist, and I hope to only continue learning and achieving new goals.  I can never thank everyone enough who has been there and supported or helped me in any way.  I am still surprised at how far I have come!  And I couldn't have done it without you all.  Thank you to all of my beautiful subjects!  Four-legged, and two-legged!  Hairy, and scaly!  Thank you to my awesome helpers and assistants!  My mom gets a special shout out for assisting at most of my shoots, whether that means being my human tripod, holding the reflector, carrying chandeliers, or even throwing things as people to get the shot I want!  I wouldn't be where I am now without all of you!  Thank you for supporting and following my work!  

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