I have been through a lot, and there is so much that people don't know about me. I've heard a lot of assumptions from people, both good and bad, about how they think my life seems based on what they have seen on social media. I went through a really rough time in my life a few years ago. Right after one bad relationship ended, another one started. In my vulnerable emotional state I was easily manipulated into thinking that was what I needed. I was fed a lot of lies that I believed.
That person turned into someone I didn't even recognize by the end of the relationship. He told me that I was pathetic and worthless. He acted like my opinions and anything I said didn't matter. He told me that my photography was terrible, and acted as if I would never go anywhere in life without him. He laughed at me after he made me cry and he showed no remorse and no emotions. For a long time, he messed with my head, even after we were no longer together. I've had some bad times in my life, like everyone else, but this one person made me feel a sadness I had never felt before, a hurt so bad that sometimes I can still feel it. I still can not understand how someone could be so cruel and heartless, especially someone who said they loved me.
I've been avoiding talking about this for years, but looking back I am amazed at how much has changed and how far I have come. I gave up so much for him that I lost myself and I've been trying to find myself again for so long. I've done that through various passions, which I've poured my heart and body into. I've pushed myself harder than ever to be happy and free. I used to think that I needed someone to make me happy, but I really just needed to learn how to find happiness in myself.
I've learned that you need to find happiness in yourself before you're truly happy in a relationship with someone else. When you find the person that supports what you do, even if they disagree with it, then you should hold onto that person. Someone that sets restrictions and rules to a relationship and acts like you have no say, is not someone to be with. Don't let false love blind you, no matter how much real love you may feel and give to them. Save it for someone who deserves it, even if that means yourself for a while. There's no point in rushing love and happiness, it will happen.
Things in my life are finally falling into place and there are some big things heading my way. This year is going to be full of even more changes and I've never felt happier in my life! It may seem like things are taking forever to finally work out, trust me I know haha! But it will happen, you just have to work at it and never give up. I've made so many changes and I've surprised myself many times with how strong I've become, both mentally and physically. I've accomplished goals, big and small, that I never thought I could.
Congratulate yourself on even the smallest of accomplishments. If you try something and you don't like it, don't be discouraged, try something else and keep experimenting with new ideas, whether you enjoy art or a sport, hiking or gaming, do what makes you happy and never give up. :)
