So, I went location scouting with my mom today, which is one of my favorite things to do! I love riding around and just trying to get lost, going further and further into the middle of nowhere! It started off a rainy day, and I had to postpone a photo session, but I made the best of the day and I'm glad things went the way that they did. I ended up finding a beautiful location and a few others along the way. :) It's always an adventure. Here's a shot from the first house we found!
This house could barely be seen from the road, and we had to trek through the woods to get to it! It was completely fallen in, with only parts of the walls and foundation still standing. Needless to say, to me, it was perfect. BUT! I wanted to find something else! The good thing about these adventures is that we never know what we're going to find. It's always a surprise, and so the outcome of the photos get to be a surprise as well. My mom always tells me that I'm pretty good at pulling things together on the spot. That's how I usually do most things haha! That's how I was in school with tests and homework, with work, photo shoots, editing, hair, makeup, outfits, etc.
Although Halloween is my favorite holiday and I love dressing up, I almost always put it off until last minute because I can never decide what I'm going to be! I'm a terribly indecisive person, I can never make up my mind on things. So most of my costumes are thrown together the day of Halloween right before I'm about to go trick or treating or to a party haha! And sometimes, I am the same way with my photographs. I have some ideas in my head before I even see a location, but a lot of times (like I stated in my previous entry) I get inspired by the location to create a certain photograph.
SO with that being said, today we found a pretty wonderful location that inspired me to create one of my favorite photographs to date. (see the photo at the end of the entry)
I had a poem to go along with this photo that I wrote many many years ago back when Myspace wasn't abandoned haha! But unfortunately it is nowhere to be found! :( If I ever do find it then I will post it! It really shows how much this photo means to me. It was called The Empty Swing. It was about childhood, and how fast innocence fades, how much things change, and how alone I feel at times. I beat myself up a lot for some decisions I have made, trying to grow up too fast, and being so scared of life. I grew up with a lot of really bad anxiety and social issues because of the way other children, and even some adults, treated me. As I got older, I was treated badly by guys in relationships as well. Abused. Mentally, and physically. For a very long time I have felt alone. I felt like I didn't have any friends. I wondered what was wrong with me, why people didn't want to be my friend and why people made fun of me. I wondered why guys hurt me and lied and didn't stay with me when they promised they loved me.
*EDIT I found the poem haha! So here it is:
But within the past two years I have rediscovered myself, who I am, who I was, and who I want to be. More importantly who I don't want to be. I have found happiness and strength, and even friendship in myself. I learned that I don't always have to rely on someone else to make me happy, whether that is a friend, a love interest, or a boyfriend. And I don't have to beat myself up and wonder what is wrong with me and what I am doing wrong. I am glad I am not friends with the people who have abused me. After all why would I want to have friends that were so cruel? Why would I want to be like them? When I can be like me.
I know this entry might be all over the place, but it describes how my day was, and how my mind has been for the past few years!
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